Holy Matrimony!

“Therefore, I will now allure her, lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.  I will give her back her vineyards, and I will replace her valley of troubles with a doorway of hope.  She will sing songs from her youth and will no longer call Me her master, but her Husband.”

-Hosea 2:14

When I met him, I was compelled to him.  Day and night I thought of him, and extended goodbyes immediately brought anticipation of the next time I would be with him.  You see, there was something about being in his presence.  It was thrilling, inspiring, and completed me somehow.  The experience of this relationship was beyond anything I had ever had before and made other boyfriends pale in comparison.  Had I known he was out there, I would not have wasted all that time and energy seeking, worrying, and belaboring what was doomed to fail.  Unbelievably, I was moved to love beyond selfish love.  Suddenly, this man was my true, first priority.  His happiness and fulfillment surpassed my own.  His birthday became my favorite holiday.  I realized that supporting his life and purpose was one of my eternal callings. 

And then, we hit reality: the hard place of wounded hearts colliding, opposing each other with competing traumas from the past.  It was bound to happen.  Previously, this was the time to bail.  It gets too hard, and I assume it is not meant to be.  However, something very different happened – we found ourselves aware of a single truth:  We did not want to be without each other. 

This man was worth it.  The heartache, the tears, the hundreds of tough conversations, and the fear of losing the incredible connection I had tasted for such a short time – every single heart-wrenching moment was worth it for this man.  You see, I had experienced him.  His tenderness, compassion, and incredible, selfless love for me.  He accepted me fully.  I felt no shame or desire to hide from him, but rather, it felt completely safe to be vulnerable in front of him.  No one else had seen me, really seen me.  My heart had been locked away and hidden from human view.  Spending time with this man transformed me by showing me there was beauty within.  Just being with him brought a peace and made it clear that my heart had found its home.  This man is now my husband.  What I want for me and all of us is to have this kind of compelling connection with our true Husband.

***

The above is an excerpt from a book-in-progress, perhaps that will be released about 18-20 years from now.  Who knows?!

The photo was taken on my wedding day.  Oh, the delight!  Oh, the excitement!  I could not contain myself.  I actually jumped up and down throughout the entire ceremony.  I am not kidding!  Many of you were there, and you can vouch for me.  The best part was I was actually being truly authentic and not manufacturing the exuberance!  (Insert Kim Kardashian sarcastic remark.  Ok, delete.  We love her, in Jesus' Name).  My soon-to-be husband and I had truly fought the battle of our lives and hearts to be together.  It was the most incredible moment to experience the harvest of our years of investment through our wedding day.  The truth is, we were married long before it existed on paper.  The Lord had whispered that to me much earlier in my life.... that I'd "be a wife long before I was married."  And now I knew what that meant.  And thank goodness, because we needed that level of devotion as we dusted out the wounded corners of our hearts to create room for each other.  Jesus was there that day in fullness and celebration.  It was the most powerful experience I have ever had of God's "husbandry" of me.  He lovingly protected me after the years and years of YUCK and placed me right in the care of not the perfect man, but the man perfect for me. 

Today, the theme on my heart is this.  Why doesn't my face look this exuberant when I talk of Jesus?  When I anticipate our time together, does my heart skip a beat and my tummy turn over in excitement?  Well, Shabby Mamas, I am here to say that is something I want. In fact, that is what makes the whole darn Nursery come alive and become Real.

Now before we all get ashamed and hide in the corner, let's take it a different direction.  Let's ASK for it from the One who wants it too.  Getting to this place in our relationship with Jesus is exactly what this blog is all about.  Let's do it together, with his help.  Let's ask him together because he's the source of everything.  This is the moment he has been waiting for. 

Jesus, I want to feel with you like I did on the first date with my husband.  I want to get all flushed when I talk about You.  I want to know every line on your face and be able to trace the scars on your hands, as if they are my own.  I have to be honest, Jesus, I have no idea where to start or how to have this with You.  I just know I want it and am asking You to help me.  Thank you, Jesus, for being my Husband.  Fill me with your love, and show me the way to your heart.  Amen.

Until tomorrow, Mamas.  I can hardly wait to see what's next.