I know, I've talked about it a lot, but this past week I have been meditating on what it really means. Grace, by definition, is undeserved favor. The nod from God when we all know we are far from perfect. Jesus kindly and graciously accepts us, no explanations. He effortlessly waves the thief into heaven, as he is dying from the torture of undeserved sin. He washes the feet of people we snub on a daily basis. And you know what? I want to have a revelation of it in my own heart, and more than anything, I want to share it with every single soul I meet. Brennan Manning describes this Grace as "vulgar and scandalous," and I could not agree more.
I have been meditating on this: Through what lens does God see us? I want to understand this, of course, in a fresh way, and not in a rote, what-the-church-taught-me-growing-up kind of way.
Well, of course his lens is Jesus. Perfect, clear, rosy-colored Jesus. Love, wisdom, light, and Truth, the unmistakable image of himself -- that is how he sees us. Striving and works-based theology mean nothing to him. My mistakes, my victories, all of it -- ridiculously meaningless. The time I swore in front of the kids when I spilled hot coffee all over -- forgotten. Striving in my own strength (again) and ignoring his attempts to connect with me -- actually.... expected. In this culture of "doing" and accomplishing, I need a fresh revelation of "being" with Jesus and settling in my own heart the question of my worth and value.
And yet again, the conclusion I have come to is that my story is truly irrelevant. Because when I surrender my life to him, my story gets swallowed up in his. I believe this is what Grace really means. To focus upon my own mistakes or shortcomings and how I can "do better" only takes the focus off of his incredible, life-changing, totally transforming Story and onto my petty and insignificant one. It's like going from the Ritz-Carlton to Howard Johnson's. And if I was Jesus, I'd say that isn't fair. But then again, that's the whole deal here. He *expects* us to see the HoJo.
I don't know about you, but I feel once again like the longer I live the Christian life, the more basic my needs become. I want to know and experience God's love. I want to understand this completely counter-cultural thing called Grace. For me, it is still like a vapor I am trying to catch -- I just can't seem to bend my mind around such a concept. Jesus loves me, this I know. Or do I?
For this reason, I have been asking Jesus for a picture of how he sees me. Something visual that would help me to understand more deeply what Grace really is... a picture to hold onto that captures his love for me just as I am, not as I should be.
He gave me the most gentle picture of a newborn in his arms. In fact, I saw myself as a newborn in his arms. So simple, and yet something we can all relate to as Mamas. Because what does one expect of a newborn?! Absolutely nothing. They are innocent, pure representatives of God's holy art found in human life. They are admired, cherished, adored, loved, held, and talked about simply for *who* they are, and no one gives a hoot if they ever do a thing. But gassy smiles are a bonus! Because simply for who they are, they minister to us. Their newborn scent, their facial expressions, and their utter dependence upon us makes us all melt and feel forever connected.
And this, my sweet Mamas, is how Jesus sees YOU.
So, the next time you screw up, imagine yourself in Jesus' arms and his utter admiration of you. Remember, he does not see you for who you should be. He sees you for who you are, snuggled in the warm blanket of his sacrifice. And he is so happy with you. And content. And he does not expect a thing more. The essence of your purpose and worth and value is simply in being loved by him.
This is my Sweet Baby boy as a newborn. Credit given respectfully to Heather Hanson Photography.
